heaviest chemical element yet known to science
A major research institution has recently announced the
the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element
has been named "Governmentium". Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12
assistant neutrons,75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can
detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take
over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a > second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years; it does not
decay,but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to
speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a
certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as "Critical Morass".
You will know it when you see it.