Two Thousand Three. Still can't hold that in my
head. Any more than that 1983 is almost in my conscious memory...
I do remember Fourth of July, Independence day. I was two.
I remember understanding the concept of independence day, and that we
were celebrating our independence from Britian. I remember knowing
how long 200 years would be. I remember holding all of these facts
with a benign indifference. Someone gave me a giant Lincoln penny
with a buffalo on the back. We were in some sort of reconstructed
"this was life back in the olden days sorta working museums sort
of places... I remember people wearing period clothing and thinking
that there was something odd about that. But generally, I remember
being picked up for reasons I could not understand, being told to come
along, and to being completely oblivious to the passage of time.
Another fact that I could not possibly comprehend, but in retrospect
can remember sensing, was that my mother was pregnant with my sister,
I would guess five months. I can sorta remember mom was having
a little trouble getting around. The really strange part is when
I consider that at that time, Suzanne was -4 months, Mom was 32, and
dad was 36. I had just turned two.
Now, I know 32 year olds. I know them with children,
and without, with careers and without, with outlooks and without.
I see myself closing in on 32 and 36, as I approach my 29th, nay the
nacent 30th year of my life.
Today is Four Twenty, a national holiday of sorts.
It is 3:40 am and I have gotten a head start on the festivities.
I went to the midnight showing of Evil Dead. The original epic
low-budget horror flick; a triumph of minimalism in the most effective
possible way. They even use claymation at the most climactically
triumphant and horrific scene; as Ashe hacks his demon-possessed friends
to pieces, burns the evil book that contained the evil spells that had
unleashed the undead, and we watch as they melt through stages of decay
undocumented in the Sutras.
Speaking of demon possession, today is also, coincidentally
Easter! I realize now how unmoved I am by Christianity these days.
Easter is my favoritest of favorite Christian rites. Its really
a million times more relevant than christmas. Who gives a fuck
when Christ was born? It was in his death that he turned the Dharma
And set an example for us all? I suppose.
We are to love everyone and honor those less fortunate than ourselves
as equal to those above. The foundations of contemporary society
rest in this principle...
So I'm moving to Japan in a couple months, but tonight,
it is now 3:47am, and I sit in my tent, as one of god's creatures tromps
around through the underbrush, about fifty years away. Probably
a racoon. They all know me by now, and by and large steer clear
of my site. Its all about casting a circle.
Wicca to Oxford. Wait, there's no distance
there. I've been considering subjecting my head to an Oxford education.
I can't imagine a more intriguing potential than saying the the Dean
of Admissions at Oxford, that here is my proposal, I wish to pursue
a parallel deconstruction of All the traditions of buddhism along the
lines of theire commonality. Then I want to in a schematic way,
take the Hindu Tantric Tradition circa 600-1300 and look for the same
commonalities; from this I wish to demonstrate the threads of teachings
that orginated in Buddhism and were passed down in the Nath sect even
to this present day. In a similarly schematic way, I wish to compress
the western tradition of philosophies into a singular mass, breaking
primarily Plato, Hegel, and Derrida down along the lines of THEIR commonality.
Then, throwing in a dash of 15th century Kabbala, Turkish Sufism, and
basic universal animism,( including but not limited to Confusionism,
Hinduism, Shintoism, Native American relegion, and various sophisticated
systems in tribal Africa) I wish to demonstrate that the difference
between these foundationally dissimilar philosophies is less than one
would imagine. I wish to propose a system whereby external factors
related to sectarian strife can be reduced to an "unsolvable"
a "koan" or a "hinge" or "differance"
between two oppositives.
Or something like that....
I have to pee...
So today meaning yesterday Frank and Eric came to visit.
Those maniacs drove up here last night, arriving at five in the morning,
slept for four hours, then met me for breakfast at Mel's. Actually,
they missed the turn onto Shattuck so I met them at St. Anthony, his
Blue toyota van, the one with oly 160,000 miles on it. Strangely,
today was simultaneously an easter egg hunt for the kids and an Indoctrination,
no inauguration, wait, what is that oh, an ORIENTATION session over
the Saturday. It was a madhouse. Nevertheless, I took Frank
and Eric on my own orientation, showing them where I live, and where
I study in the library, some of the books I've been reading, and otherwise,
just showing off the library and living arangement I've come up with.
They were duly impressed by the view, too.
We then went to San Francisco; a girl Eric is interested
in suggested he go to Twin Peaks; he kept bringing it up and so
we found out why. Nevertheless, It gave us a plan. I used
my patented dead reckoning to navigate us there. I realized enroute
that I hadn't been to the top of Twin Peaks in like 6 years. Like
before Josh and Amelia where together even. While I was
out here visiting he and David; I think Tommy was with Josh and I and
we three were up there. Or else someone else was driving and I'm
fabricating the whole memory. So I may or may not have ever been
up there before, but, trusting in the fact that the top of a hill is
one of the easier things to find, we persevered, and surived the climb.
However, My vision of San Francisco contains cars only in the
"frogger" sense. They are there in the road to kill
you. I am notoriously bad at giving directions around towns, especially
the longer I've lived there...
Which never seems to be long anymore. Nevertheless,
I took frank and eric on a perfect mini-tour of Berkeley and San Fran.
From Twin Peaks to the Zen Garden, so they know what I'm getting myself
in to... Then for a bonus, we went to the Botanical Gardens which has
never been open any time I've noticed before. They have
a neat Biblical Garden and Primative Garden in there. Its
purty. After that, they dropped me off in Berkeley, we ate Thai
Food together for old-times, Discussed the possibility of peace in our
time, and they departed for Ventura and San Diego. Amazing human
beings, those two. I'm sorry that I'm not at liberty to disclose
anything more about them, but they run this server, and well... they
run this server.
So I'm living right now as if I'm Japanese. And
what does that mean. Absolutely the same as it did yesterday when
the words came out "I'm from the USA... ,,,America."
So if the future has any reality in the present, then I may as
well be Japanese right now. Likewise, I'm also "on a roadtrip
across america" since I don't really live here in Berkeley.
In India, with the Sadhus its not polite to ask them where they live
or where they're from. Its not particularly relevant to one "dead
to the world." The polite thing to ask is where is there
"sitting place." Much as "the Dude Abides..."
So if my strings are so loosely tied and so few, and since I COULD leave
at any time, I may as well leave before I depart bodily, just so I don't
have to carry all the baggage at one time.
I Oh dude, its 4:24 on 4/20/2003. I'm/It's late/early
Chozen was a pediatric nurse who was responsible for
documenting child abuse victims, which is a pleasant way of saying 'examining
beaten children' for possible criminal proceedings. She is also
a Zen Roshi. Which is not sort of a priest. But without
She said she carried away so much pain and grief that
she reached a state of total breakdown before she reached out for an
"iconic image" such as the Jizo Bodhisattva. But, she
came to the conclusion that it does help ease the suffering, and, well,
fundimentally that's what its really all about.
And its hard to argue that point when the buddha's very
first sermon is "dude. there is suffering. there is
an origin to this suffering. There is, therefore a cessation to
this suffering. And dude, check it. There is even a path
which I can show you, to the Cessation of suffering."
And somehow it all gets lost in all of these damn words.
" Words words words." to Quoth Beth in reference to Hegel.
I have in a very short period of time, learned that Sanskrit,
German, Englesh and French are all part of the same language family.
Oh lets not forget PAli and Prakrit, and... Anyway, our very
languages are all related. Where are these lines that are being
drawn philosophically? What's to give any one demarkation priority
over any other?
I would have to say, it is all for the cessation of
And yet, having said that, I might still want to take
it down notch. The Siddhartha Gautama was just a monk, a monk
like you and me... He left home at 29. He was probably Ariyan
in decent, and there's probably a racial slur in refering to the chosen
ones as 'Ariyas'. Fortunately there is more basic paradigm in
Buddhism that it is not by one's brith one is Brahmin, but by one's
deeds. Or was this the redaction? Its hard to say
2500 years later except by a certain reconstruction of the situation
of yesterday, today.
which is what is so funny about this whole process;
cause Gaya today... basically unchanged from Gaya before the Buddha
got there. And there are no Buddhists left in Gaya.
My battery is dying its 4:59am easter sunday morning
on four twenty two oh two ... no three. I'm pretty sure we're
still on three. But they all run together from a certain perspective....