Subject: Deconstruction
Date: 4:20

Two Thousand Three.  Still can't hold that in my head.  Any more than that 1983 is almost in my conscious memory...  I do remember Fourth of July, Independence day.  I was two.  I remember understanding the concept of independence day, and that we were celebrating our independence from Britian.  I remember knowing how long 200 years would be.  I remember holding all of these facts with a benign indifference.  Someone gave me a giant Lincoln penny with a buffalo on the back.  We were in some sort of reconstructed "this was life back in the olden days sorta working museums sort of places...  I remember people wearing period clothing and thinking that there was something odd about that.  But generally, I remember being picked up for reasons I could not understand, being told to come along, and to being completely oblivious to the passage of time.  Another fact that I could not possibly comprehend, but in retrospect can remember sensing, was that my mother was pregnant with my sister, I would guess five months.  I can sorta remember mom was having a little trouble getting around.  The really strange part is when I consider that at that time, Suzanne was -4 months, Mom was 32, and dad was 36.  I had just turned two. 

Now, I know 32 year olds.  I know them with children, and without, with careers and without, with outlooks and without.  I see myself closing in on 32 and 36, as I approach my 29th, nay the nacent 30th year of my life. 

Today is Four Twenty, a national holiday of sorts.  It is 3:40 am and I have gotten a head start on the festivities.  I went to the midnight showing of Evil Dead.  The original epic low-budget horror flick; a triumph of minimalism in the most effective possible way.  They even use claymation at the most climactically triumphant and horrific scene; as Ashe hacks his demon-possessed friends to pieces, burns the evil book that contained the evil spells that had unleashed the undead, and we watch as they melt through stages of decay undocumented in the Sutras. 

Speaking of demon possession, today is also, coincidentally Easter!  I realize now how unmoved I am by Christianity these days.  Easter is my favoritest of favorite Christian rites.  Its really a million times more relevant than christmas.  Who gives a fuck when Christ was born?  It was in his death that he turned the Dharma Wheel. 

And set an example for us all?  I suppose.  We are to love everyone and honor those less fortunate than ourselves as equal to those above.  The foundations of contemporary society rest in this principle...


So I'm moving to Japan in a couple months, but tonight, it is now 3:47am, and I sit in my tent, as one of god's creatures tromps around through the underbrush, about fifty years away.  Probably a racoon.  They all know me by now, and by and large steer clear of my site.  Its all about casting a circle.

Wicca to Oxford.   Wait, there's no distance there.  I've been considering subjecting my head to an Oxford education.  I can't imagine a more intriguing potential than saying the the Dean of Admissions at Oxford, that here is my proposal, I wish to pursue a parallel deconstruction of All the traditions of buddhism along the lines of theire commonality.  Then I want to in a schematic way, take the Hindu Tantric Tradition circa 600-1300 and look for the same commonalities; from this I wish to demonstrate the threads of teachings that orginated in Buddhism and were passed down in the Nath sect even to this present day.  In a similarly schematic way, I wish to compress the western tradition of philosophies into a singular mass, breaking primarily Plato, Hegel, and Derrida down along the lines of THEIR commonality.  Then, throwing in a dash of 15th century Kabbala, Turkish Sufism, and basic universal animism,( including but not limited to Confusionism, Hinduism, Shintoism, Native American relegion, and various sophisticated systems in tribal Africa) I wish to demonstrate that the difference between these foundationally dissimilar philosophies is less than one would imagine.  I wish to propose a system whereby external factors related to sectarian strife can be reduced to an "unsolvable" a "koan" or a "hinge" or "differance" between two oppositives.

Or something like that....

I have to pee...

So today meaning yesterday Frank and Eric came to visit.  Those maniacs drove up here last night, arriving at five in the morning, slept for four hours, then met me for breakfast at Mel's.  Actually, they missed the turn onto Shattuck so I met them at St. Anthony, his Blue toyota van,  the one with oly 160,000 miles on it.  Strangely, today was simultaneously an easter egg hunt for the kids and an Indoctrination, no inauguration, wait, what is that oh, an ORIENTATION session over the Saturday.  It was a madhouse.  Nevertheless, I took Frank and Eric on my own orientation, showing them where I live, and where I study in the library, some of the books I've been reading, and otherwise, just showing off the library and living arangement I've come up with.  They were duly impressed by the view, too. 

We then went to San Francisco; a girl Eric is interested in suggested he go to Twin Peaks;  he kept bringing it up and so we found out why.  Nevertheless, It gave us a plan.  I used my patented dead reckoning to navigate us there.  I realized enroute that I hadn't been to the top of Twin Peaks in like 6 years.  Like before Josh and Amelia where together even.   While I was out here visiting he and David; I think Tommy was with Josh and I and we three were up there.  Or else someone else was driving and I'm fabricating the whole memory.  So I may or may not have ever been up there before, but, trusting in the fact that the top of a hill is one of the easier things to find, we persevered, and surived the climb.  However,  My vision of San Francisco contains cars only in the "frogger" sense.  They are there in the road to kill you.  I am notoriously bad at giving directions around towns, especially the longer I've lived there...

Which never seems to be long anymore.  Nevertheless, I took frank and eric on a perfect mini-tour of Berkeley and San Fran.  From Twin Peaks to the Zen Garden, so they know what I'm getting myself in to... Then for a bonus, we went to the Botanical Gardens which has never been open any time  I've noticed before.  They have a neat Biblical Garden and Primative Garden in there.   Its purty.  After that, they dropped me off in Berkeley, we ate Thai Food together for old-times, Discussed the possibility of peace in our time, and they departed for Ventura and San Diego.  Amazing human beings, those two.  I'm sorry that I'm not at liberty to disclose anything more about them, but they run this server, and well... they run this server.

So I'm living right now as if I'm Japanese.  And what does that mean.  Absolutely the same as it did yesterday when the words came out "I'm from the USA... ,,,America."    So if the future has any reality in the present, then I may as well be Japanese right now.  Likewise, I'm also "on a roadtrip across america" since I don't really live here in Berkeley.  In India, with the Sadhus its not polite to ask them where they live or where they're from.  Its not particularly relevant to one "dead to the world."  The polite thing to ask is where is there "sitting place."  Much as "the Dude Abides..."  So if my strings are so loosely tied and so few, and since I COULD leave at any time, I may as well leave before I depart bodily, just so I don't have to carry all the baggage at one time.

I Oh dude, its 4:24 on 4/20/2003.  I'm/It's late/early Easter sunday!!!  

Oh no...

Jesus Christ is risen today.
Our triumphant holy day,
Who did once upon the cross
Suffer to redeem our loss

So where did it all go wrong.  I'd have to say when exegesis starts; as soon as people continue to write about what just happened, or what is happening, or what is going to happen...  Too many damn words!  So let me leave you with a really really sad sad image:

"In 1993 thirty-two child-abuse deaths occurred in Oregon.  I had known most of these Children  I had examined their limp pale bodies in the pediatric intensive care unit.  I had gently run my fingers through downy soft hair, turned back ear folds, opened unresisting mouths and eyelids, looking for subtle bruises.  I had turned their bodies over, careful not to pull out tubes that pumped air into thier lungs and infused intravenous fluid into their veins.  I had talked as gently as I could to frightened and aggressive parents, parents whom I knew had smashed, shaken, and beaten these infants, and also to the nurses who were angry with these parents.  When the nurses were busy and no one was looking, I held each baby's hand for a moment to pray for its transition out of suffering and into peace." (xxvi) [Bays, Jan Chozen Roshi Jizo Bodhisattva: Modern Healing & Traditional Buddhist Practice]

Chozen was a pediatric nurse who was responsible for documenting child abuse victims, which is a pleasant way of saying 'examining beaten children' for possible criminal proceedings.  She is also a Zen Roshi.  Which is not sort of a priest.  But without the blowjobs. 

She said she carried away so much pain and grief that she reached a state of total breakdown before she reached out for an "iconic image" such as the Jizo Bodhisattva.  But, she came to the conclusion that it does help ease the suffering, and, well, fundimentally that's what its really all about. 

And its hard to argue that point when the buddha's very first sermon is "dude.  there is suffering.  there is an origin to this suffering.  There is, therefore a cessation to this suffering.  And dude, check it.  There is even a path which I can show you, to the Cessation of suffering." 

And somehow it all gets lost in all of these damn words.  " Words words words." to Quoth Beth in reference to Hegel.   I have in a very short period of time, learned that Sanskrit, German, Englesh and French are all part of the same language family.   Oh lets not forget PAli and Prakrit, and... Anyway, our very languages are all related.  Where are these lines that are being drawn philosophically?  What's to give any one demarkation priority over any other?

I would have to say, it is all for the cessation of suffering...

And yet, having said that, I might still want to take it down notch.  The Siddhartha Gautama was just a monk, a monk like you and me... He left home at 29.  He was probably Ariyan in decent, and there's probably a racial slur in refering to the chosen ones as 'Ariyas'.  Fortunately there is more basic paradigm in Buddhism that it is not by one's brith one is Brahmin, but by one's deeds.   Or was this the redaction?  Its hard to say 2500 years later except by a certain reconstruction of the situation of yesterday, today. 

which is what is so funny about this whole process; cause Gaya today... basically unchanged from Gaya before the Buddha got there.  And there are no Buddhists left in Gaya. 

My battery is dying its 4:59am easter sunday morning on four twenty two oh two ... no three.  I'm pretty sure we're still on three.  But they all run together from a certain perspective....

© Hudson Cress, 2003. All rights reserved. Disclaimer: All events and people are part of the elaborate fiction that is my private reality. Any resemblence to actual people or events is purely coincidental.  And if these shadows have offended...